I wrote this advice to my oldest niece. So I thought I would post it here, because it also serves as advice to myself.May 18, 2009
Hi Brianne—
I can’t believe you are turning 18! I was just a little younger than you when you first came into my life. You were the first child that I have ever loved and the one who taught me the joy of children, and how much more fun life was when sharing it with a small child who was experiencing the world for the first time. Now you are grown up and ready to start your life as an adult. You have a lot of great times ahead of you, and a lot of difficult but rewarding decisions to make. You are going to receive a lot of advice from a lot of people. Your job will be to decide which pieces of the advice resonate with you, and ultimately try to take a few words of wisdom to carry with you. However, your real task is to know who YOU are, which may be the most difficult task of all. You will need to experience life, try everything you are curious about, make mistakes and learn from them.
I have a life that I love for the most part. I have things that I would have done differently, and goals that I still want to do. For what it is worth, I am going to give you my top 10 pieces of advice that I hope can inspire or motivate you in some way. My hope is that you find at least one that you would like to remember. If not, keep this letter and maybe bring it out again in 5 years. It is amazing how time changes everything.
Here goes:
1. Don’t let anyone define who you are. I learned this one the hard way. You may be in love, have a great boyfriend, get married, have children but never, ever forget who you are. Do not lose yourself in the relationship or your role in your job or commitments. Remember your needs and desires. You are a wonderful woman with your own ideas. Remember this.
2. Nobody else is paying as much attention to your failures as you are. “You are the only one who is obsessed with the importance of your own life. To everyone else it is just a blip on the radar screen so move on.” John Travolta. This is something I am still learning. I get so upset when I don’t do well. I still worry about what other people think. You know what, they are busy and worried about their own lives. Brush yourself off and try again. It truly is not as bad as you think.
3. Read. Reading is active. Movies, TV, video are passive. Reading engages your imagination. Video substitutes for your imagination and distracts you from life. Reading also makes you well rounded, have a great vocabulary and incidentally do well on tests.
4. Respect your body. Think about what a great gift a healthy body is. Stick to this diet: “Eat food, not too much, mostly plants”. Work out, move your body, do sports, use your body now before age creeps up on you and then you can’t. Your body and your mind are two natural gifts that you are born with. Use them well.
5. Find people who you love and who love you. Remember that love is not a leisure activity, it requires work. Pick up the phone, send an email, write a letter. Kiss your mom, hug your dad. Be generous with your love but not careless. Respect that true friendships take time and commitment but the rewards are immesurable.
6. Push yourself to your limit. Do something challenging, physically or mentally. The reward of accomplishment is so worth the challenge. Climb a mountain, Run the extra mile, study extra hard for a test, cook a soufflé from scratch, then enjoy the rewards. You will be surprised how far both your mind and body can take you.
7. Never, never, never give up. If the front door is closed to you, go around the back door. If it is closed, go around to the side of the house to see if that window is open. Just keep trying. The only person that can stop you is you. If you have a dream, then go for it.
8. Find your “thing.” Find something that you love doing and make it a priority. Everyone needs a “thing” Mine is climbing, and since I have put it on a backburner for my job my life feels less rewarding, although it would appear that I am more“successful.” I miss doing my “thing.” Your dad’s thing is hiking, your mom’s nutrition. Find your “thing” your life will be so much richer.
9. Take detours. Metaphorically and physically. I have seen my peers have such a one track mind to accomplish becoming a doctor that they haven’ t experienced the richness of life. I say, if you want to backpack across Asia then go for it. If you want to live in the Caribbean for a summer than do it. If you want to stop along the side of the road to take a short hike or pop into an interesting coffee shop, then do it. Live life and keep your mind and experiences open.
10.Keep a journal (or a blog). Knowing you are going to write about your day or your week sharpens your attention to everything that happens around you. You really examine your own feelings about a situation and it causes you to live more deliberately. Plus it’s fun to go back and read your entries. Trust me, when you are 25, you will not remember what you were thinking or doing at 18.
11. one to grow on…Relax, Take a breath. Don’t be afraid. All you have to know is who YOU are. The rest is gravy.
Well kiddo, that is all that I will say for now, though I am sure I could ramble on more. Everyone loves giving advice.
I have enjoyed seeing you grow into such a charismatic, funny, beautiful, caring young woman. I am looking forward to finding out what wonderful things you will do with your life. I feel lucky to have been a part of your life, even from afar.
All my love,
Your Aunt Bonny
Siobhan
... So, what's the advise?
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