Failure

I take failure so hard. I wonder if this is normal? Today I couldn't do a simple arterial line. Actually, I think arterial lines are the hardest procedure to do, but anyway, it is still rather simple. However, I missed. Plus I missed in front of 4 nursing students, my co-intern, 3 nurses, my resident, and my attending. Thank GOD, that the co-intern I was with, tried after me and didn't get it. Of course, the attending tried and got it in 2 seconds flat. Shit! I was so upset. I've done a bunch of them, and I've failed at quite a few too (which is frustrating), but it is still bothering me at 9:31 pm as I am writing this. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I try to just be chill and say, "Oh well, I'll get it next time," but it just feels so good to do something right. I want to feel good, not bad!!

Mowed the lawn today. Haven't done that since I was 12. Felt good to mow a lawn. Then I had grilled corn on the cob for dinner. I guess that was my high for the day.

My next entry will be: "What I've learned as an Intern." Then I am going to write a book called "How to be a bad doctor." I've got lots of examples of what not to do...stay tuned.