I've been inspired by my friend Shanna about writing in my blog again. I have been neglecting it...just one more thing that I should do but when I go back and reread my posts I realize how cool they will be later on.
My baby girl Roxanna Goldie Gray was born at 01:52 am on January 29, 2012 at UCSD hospital. All my doubts about myself as a mother and fears about it changing my life were evaporated literally the moment she was put up to my chest. I have read about love at first sight but had no frame of reference until it happened to me. Overwhelming love and protection welled out of me and sealed our attachment for life. What a precious gift is motherhood; and how tragic if I missed this life changing experience. Now my brain has changed--literally. I have read a lot about the hormonal changes that occur between a mother and infant and have to say that I agree with them all. I feel like my brain is literally recircuited and I forever onward will be first and foremost a mother. When I used to see women who wanted to stay home and care for their children as unprogressive and weak, I now consider a gift and an aspiration. I am shocked about how completely transformative this experience is. Gary is also in awe about how "motherly" I am; and it has also added another special bond between Gary and me sharing parenthood together.
So I have struggled with the meaning of life, and now I know it is to be a parent and to experience love and family.
I am having the time of my life, not climbing, not traveling, not partying, just watching my baby grow and anticipating all the things I am going to teach her and all the experiences we will share. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
I admire you so much. I loved watching you with Roxanna. You are a wonderful mother and she is so lucky to have you and Gary...and you her.
ReplyDeleteWow! What a face your daughter has! Seriously, the second picture grabbed my heart and squeezed it like an overripe blood orange.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't even like babies. I don't hate them but they've always grossed me out. They can't speak, they're always leaking (eyes, nose, mouth, other - yuck), they're too fragile, too loud, and just too much for me. But your little miracle? How could anyone look at her and feel anything other than overwhelming devotion? Oxytocin overload is right!!!
I just found this blog so my congratulations is past due (or is it as I'm sure you find more things to love about her every day), but I'm glad you have her and she has you.
Peace to you and yours. Thank you for sharing <3