Oh my gosh. I am so nervous. I had my first real shift in the emergency department and my assessment was that it was a disaster. I was a freaking idiot. The computer system was working against me all day. I didn't know where anything was. I was working with the head of the entire department. I was trying to make a good impression on the nurses while seeing a bunch of patients. I felt completely scattered. I feel that multitasking is one of my strengths but doing it while taking care of sick patients was just hard. I am not good enough with my medical knowledge to do it seamlessly and efficiently.
That being said...at the end of the shift the attending said I did a good job. Not sure if he was just being nice. I mean what else could he say? I wanted to scream! I felt like a medical student again and out of my element when I was supposed to be in my element.
In addition, everyone, and I mean everyone keeps saying that this will be the hardest year of my life. "If you don't feel like you are drowning you aren't seeing enough patients." So...here I go AGAIN! Every year is supposed to be the hardest year of my life. So, I guess we will see. Will this really be the hardest year or just another hard year that I am by now used to?
I still think I made the right decision with emergency medicine. This will be a wild ride!
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