Children's

Today rather sucked. Actually I am anticipating the entire month rather sucking. I started my first day at Children's hospital today, and it was one of my worst first day's... Not that I could explain it in any way that anyone would understand, but perhaps a few of my peers can commisurate.
I show up early. Noone gives a shit that I am there because I am just one in an endless stream of new people who don't know what the hell is going on. So all I have is a print out of my passwords. There are three different passwords to different computer systems. I try to log on and they don't work. I call the help desk who is no help and says I need to get approved from another department. It is 6:30 am, and the person who can help me is not in until 9. THe attending that I am working with is annoyed and tells me I can work under a medical student ID until then. Fine. Whatever. Here is my orientation: "Room's one through 9 are in this part, and around the corner is observation with another 6 rooms." Fine. I go see a patient.

I am clueless. I can take a history and physical, but I need to look up old records to see what I need to do. I can't figure out the computer system. The attending...annoyed that I don't understand the archaic dos operating system: "You have to use the over and down arrows, then right arrow, hit F3 scrolll down and hit F12." Oh, OK, why didn't I think of that, it is so intuitive. Now let me ask you my other million questions, like where do I write orders and how do I look up labs? THe questions in my mind pile up but I limit them to a very minimum.

Meanwhile, I am circling the floor trying to find things. Patient's are coming in. It is just me and the attending...it goes on like this for a few hours. Now I have to dictate a discharge summary. I have no dictation code, no access to the codes to punch in to get my ID and the dictation line....

I am getting weary just reliving this day. Somehow, someway, I managed to see 17 patients in 8 hrs.

Here's the clincher. I am clueless about kiddos. I don't even know how much tylenol to give. 1.5 teaspoons, 2 teaspoons? Who knows? HOw long do you treat an ear infection? I sure don't know!

I guess that is why I am there. To LEARN medicine, or is it to learn a messed up computer system? I always wonder if this technology is really simplifying things?

Can only go up from here!

Oh my gosh. I am so nervous. I had my first real shift in the emergency department and my assessment was that it was a disaster. I was a freaking idiot. The computer system was working against me all day. I didn't know where anything was. I was working with the head of the entire department. I was trying to make a good impression on the nurses while seeing a bunch of patients. I felt completely scattered. I feel that multitasking is one of my strengths but doing it while taking care of sick patients was just hard. I am not good enough with my medical knowledge to do it seamlessly and efficiently.

That being said...at the end of the shift the attending said I did a good job. Not sure if he was just being nice. I mean what else could he say? I wanted to scream! I felt like a medical student again and out of my element when I was supposed to be in my element.

In addition, everyone, and I mean everyone keeps saying that this will be the hardest year of my life. "If you don't feel like you are drowning you aren't seeing enough patients." So...here I go AGAIN! Every year is supposed to be the hardest year of my life. So, I guess we will see. Will this really be the hardest year or just another hard year that I am by now used to?

I still think I made the right decision with emergency medicine. This will be a wild ride!